The Varieties of User Experience

or McSweeney’s didn’t want this, so here it is for free

Thanks, Merriam-Webster

Being on Twitter while in online meeting: Zoomscrolling

Being on Twitter, skeptically: Humescrolling

Reading influencers on Twitter, anxiously: Bloomscrolling

Grumbling to yourself about violations of outmoded writing conventions on Twitter: Whomscrolling

Wondering what ever happened to Action Park while on Twitter: Flumescrolling

Eating edamame while on Twitter: Legumescrolling

Scanning Twitter for apocryphal stories of famous meetings: Presumescrolling

Being on Twitter on the high seas: Spumescrolling

Looking on Twitter for references to Márquez and Cortázar: Boomscrolling

Reading Twitter through eye gunk: Rheumscrolling

Spending time on gothic Twitter: Gloomscrolling

Reading Twitter on your phone while walking around Dublin all day in a Homeric sort of way: also Bloomscrolling

Reading wedding Twitter: Groomscrolling

Thinking about high fashion while on Twitter: Klumscrolling

Looking for God on Twitter while also identifying yourself: Blumescrolling

Having your hopes for the future crushed by reading on Twitter about the actions of the attorney general and the president to steal the election until you can longer even blink or wash or feed yourself: the user experience

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