or McSweeney’s didn’t want this, so here it is for free
Being on Twitter while in online meeting: Zoomscrolling
Being on Twitter, skeptically: Humescrolling
Reading influencers on Twitter, anxiously: Bloomscrolling
Grumbling to yourself about violations of outmoded writing conventions on Twitter: Whomscrolling
Wondering what ever happened to Action Park while on Twitter: Flumescrolling
Eating edamame while on Twitter: Legumescrolling
Scanning Twitter for apocryphal stories of famous meetings: Presumescrolling
Being on Twitter on the high seas: Spumescrolling
Looking on Twitter for references to Márquez and Cortázar: Boomscrolling
Reading Twitter through eye gunk: Rheumscrolling
Spending time on gothic Twitter: Gloomscrolling
Reading Twitter on your phone while walking around Dublin all day in a Homeric sort of way: also Bloomscrolling
Reading wedding Twitter: Groomscrolling
Thinking about high fashion while on Twitter: Klumscrolling
Looking for God on Twitter while also identifying yourself: Blumescrolling
Having your hopes for the future crushed by reading on Twitter about the actions of the attorney general and the president to steal the election until you can longer even blink or wash or feed yourself: the user experience
Samuel Cohen 